The last two weeks have been , I think, one of the worst in my life. I hit rock bottom where nothing made sense and all the existential questions of who am I, what am I doing, where am I going, what is the bigger purpose had no answers. One word was like a constant refrain in my head - ‘REPLACEABLE’. I was replaceable at home, at work, with friends. So, why? What more? What else? Sudden bouts of crying complete withdrawal from any kind of social activity and a feeling of absolute hopelessness.

This led to short spells of breakdowns in front of a close friend and my sister – both of whom, fortunately, didn’t molly cuddle me,  but got me to see some home truths about why my life is where it is.

The reason I’m sharing this here is that there is sense in the ‘all for the best’ saying that we keep saying. Everything happens with a purpose.

I needed to go through this phase of intense self reflection to look up and forward. After you hit rock bottom, the only place to go is UP. But, ONLY if you want to! I could have continued feeling hopeless and drowned in self pity - continued to go through the motions of life without actually living life but I consciously chose not to. I’ve realized that innately, I am an optimist.  I always see hope. There is a purpose to my being here.

 I am back and I am rocking – ok, maybe just swaying for now but will get there.

In my search for hope and meaning, I came across a saying that I want to share with all of you… The castles you live in were first built in the air… Live your dreams… Ariana Trinity